Why would you lie to your therapist? Seems like a stupid thing to do doesn't it. Why, when you're paying good money, would you withhold information from them? Well, maybe you've come to therapy because you're a compulsive liar, but let's assume that the majority of clients aren't.

For a therapist, it's an honest question to grapple with...especially if you've been working with a client for a while and they suddenly mention something huge like, I don't know, their mother committed suicide when they were 15. A revelation like that can really leave the therapist reeling and although it's not a classic lie, it could be framed as lying by omission. The client isn't being intentionally untruthful.

There are a number of reasons why you may not mention something big like that to your therapist -

• It's painful or embarrassing - Discussing an issue that might be embarrassing, painful or shameful is difficult no matter who you're talking to. We're not good at talking about things that are difficult. We might have spent years avoiding talking about it and that has become an important coping strategy. Just because you've started therapy, doesn't suddenly make it easy to talk about.
• Didn't know it was important or are in denial - Is it really a lie if you don't realise it's important? An issue that you believe isn't important to the therapy, may in fact turn out to be pivotal when it's finally revealed. This may be due to a lack of insight...something therapy is designed to improve, but it may be because you're in denial, you may have convinced youself that particular thoughts about the "lie" are true when they've not, or you may not be ready to explore things from a different perspective.
• My therapist will judge me - Some therapists do judge clients for what they tell them in therapy, or dismiss their concerns or emotional responses, and that’s a reason many people hold back in baring their souls in psychotherapy. It's happened to me before with a therapist I was seeing and I terminated the contract. Some therapists don’t listen when that’s their primary responsibility. Such behavior can leave you feeling a lot worse about yourself, when therapy is intended to help you feel better about yourself. A client often will clam up and stop being truthful (“Everything’s fine!”) because they’ve learned their current therapist simply isn’t going to help them.
• Trust and rapport with your therapist - The process of developing a solid relationship with your therapist takes time and energy...on both sides. Without a strong rapport and a solid basis of trust in each other, it can be difficult to feel comfortable revealing all you could or should within your therapy. Trust has to be earned and you may well feel safer reserving some facts about yourself until you feel the trust is in place. If you don't trust your therapist, you're unlikely to share everything with your therapist in the first couple of sessions.
• Lying as a coping mechanism - Often, people learn to lie skillfully in order to avoid continued abuse or trauma. Undoing the common use of that coping mechanism will take time, even with a skilled and trusted therapist.
• It just takes time - As human, social beings, we’ve learned to wear certain masks that aren’t always easy to let drop just because we should. The therapeutic process is a messy and complex one. Both you and your therapist must take the time and make the effort to seek the truth. For some people, trust and rapport may not be enough. It may take a long time to be able to talk to a therapist about years of struggle with an experience. There are layers and layers of “truth” and a psychotherapeutic relationship can be both dynamic and complex.