The current debate about socialized health care in America is currently raging and while I’d implore all Americans to get behind it, it’s made me aware of a specific difference between healthcare provision there and here. The vast majority of Britain’s have absolutely no personal choice when comes to deciding who they see regarding their health care, be it physical or mental. So if you come for therapy on the NHS, you get who you get. But if you decide to go privately, you can and should shop around (remember, a lot of therapists have slots for low fee paying clients, do ask about this).

Let’s think about this in terms of the numbers – by far the most influential decider as to whether or not you’ll find therapy helpful is down to you. Do you want to go? Are you committed to change? Are you there because it’s what you want or is someone forcing you to go? A whopping 40% of a successful encounter with a therapist is down to you, the client, and is completely beyond the ability of the therapist to influence. It doesn’t matter how many brilliant, sparkling observations I make or how oozingly empathic I am, all of that will count for nothing if you profoundly don’t want to be there.

The second most important factor in a successful block of therapy (block? There has to be a better noun than that…!? Anyway) is down to the relationship that develops between you and the therapist. My first ever therapist, Dr Sara Dryburgh puts it this way : “Therapy is fundamentally about a relationship with the therapist. Qualifications, training, theoretical knowledge and mastery of specific techniques are of course essential, but not sufficient in themselves. The essential thing which makes therapy effective is the quality of the relationship that you form with the therapist”.

If you don’t like your therapist, look for another one. End of story. I can’t stress enough how important this is, imagine opening up and revealing the most secret things about yourself, remember how you felt the last time you had a good cry, think about coming face to face with the things that really matter to you. Now think about doing all of that in front of someone you don’t really like. See what I mean? So shop around, be fussy, think about whether or not you’d like to see a male or female therapist, even if all you can afford to pay is £10 per week, therapy is a major commitment in terms of time and emotional energy. You owe it to yourself to pick someone who you feel can accompany you on that adventure.