Healthy boundaries. What does that mean? Well first let’s take a look at what unhealthy boundaries are and how people violate them

• Trusting no one - trusting anyone - black and white thinking
• Telling all
• Talking at intimate level on first meeting
• Falling in love with a new acquaintance
• Falling in love with anyone who reaches out
• Being overwhelmed by a person - preoccupied
• Acting on first sexual impulse
• Being sexual for partner, not self
• Going against personal values or rights to please others
• Not noticing when someone else displays inappropriate boundaries
• Not noticing when someone invades your boundaries
• Accepting food, gifts, touch, sex that you don't want or aren’t comfortable with
• Touching a person without asking
• Taking as much as you can get for the sake of getting
• Giving as much as you can give for the sake of giving
• Allowing someone to take as much as they can from you
• Letting others direct your life
• Letting others describe your reality
• Letting others define you
• Believing others can anticipate your needs
• Expecting others to fill your needs automatically
• Falling apart so someone will take care of you
• Self abuse
• Sexual and physical abuse
• Food abuse

It seems to me that our society doesn't really support healthy boundaries. This is reflected particularly in popular culture, here are a few examples:

*Saying "no" might hurt someone's feelings (so you need to take care of their needs rather than your own)
*TV and Film don't model healthy boundaries – unhealthy boundaries seem to make for better plot lines…Grey’s Anatomy anyone?
*People who have firm (not rigid) boundaries are often tagged as mean, bitchy or needy - particularly women.
*Sexuality is often portrayed as a manipulative tool to get what you want as opposed to a loving expression between two adults

Healthy boundaries are about knowing where you end and the other persons begins and respecting that. It also means assertive communication. It isn’t needy to ask to have your need met in a clear, straightforward way. Everyone has needs, that doesn’t make you needy. What makes you needy is how you communicate. Hinting at what you’d like and then sulking when you don’t get it is not a way to assertively communicate your boundaries!