Lots of people start counselling thinking they're going to be advised on what to do, what not to do, what do more of...less of etc.

Therapists and counsellors can help in lots of ways but the one thing we always stop short of is giving advice to clients. Why...? Well, let's think about a scenario familiar to most of us. You're chatting to a friend about a pressing issue, you really want to get it all off your chest, you've just got going, you're just beginning to open up and your friend cuts in and starts saying "EXACTLY the same thing happened to me! What you need to do is this..." Therapists don't do this, doing this makes you, the client/person who wants and needs to talk, feel unheard, diminished and silenced.

Therapists are usually operating on the assumption that they DON'T know what it's like to be you. Even if we've known you for a while, we're always checking our assumptions at the door and we're ready, willing and eager to learn something new about our clients. So if therapists are operating on the assumption that we don't know what it's like to be you (but we're always trying to find out!), how could we be so arrogant as to assume we know what advise would work for you? Therapy is also a place to feel heard, as with the friend example above, is therapists were to dish out advise and send you packing, I'm willing to bet you wouldn't feel listened to. You might feel like a project being worked, but you wouldn't feel heard.

So, if you want my advise...don't go into therapy expecting advise.